Repressed Memories

REPRESSED MEMORIES, OR HOW TO GET RICH QUICK


Scene I: Kitchen at breakfast, in modest home. Wife Lynn, husband Pat talking.


Lynn: “Your looking depressed to me”. “What’s wrong”?

Pat: “I don’t know, but I’m getting that same feeling I had with my previous three wives.”

Lynn: “You don’t love me anymore?”

Pat: “I don’t know, but you are beginning to disgust me just like happened with the others.? “You also are not kind to me anymore.”

Lynn: “Don”t be such a baby.” “You haven’t been interested in sex since we stopped living together and got married.” “I”m down right frustrated by this situation.” “My previous two husbands had lots of problems, but never this one.”

Pat: ”Yeh, I know.” “It is strange the minute we got married I lost all interest in you, just like what happened with the others.”

Lynn: “Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?”

Pat : “No way, I’m not nuts.”

Lynn: “Well I can’t stand much more of this.” “You either get some psychological help or I’m out of here.” “You’ve just lost your third job in two years and I’m getting sick of being the only reliable bread winner.”

Pat: “There you go, kicking me when I’m down.” “All I can tell you is that I am not attracted to you anymore.”

Lynn: “You either agree to see a psychiatrist or it’s over,”

Pat: “Who’ll pay the fee these bastards charge?”

Lynn: “As far as I’m concerned it’s a good investment” (Hesitates) “My mother says she will pay.”

Pat: (Explodes) “WHAT” “So, you’ve been talking to your mother about us and our sex problems!” “You know that witch called me a queer once?” “I’m going to kill myself, I can’t stand this.”

Lynn: (Alarmed and shocked at his threats) “Please honey, we all love you.” Please let’s the both of us go to see a psychiatrist marriage councilor.” “Mother has already talked to a friend who can recommend one that really helped a couple she knew.”
Pat: “Oh, for the love of god, OK, if you come I’ll go.”


SCENE II. A sumptuous professional looking office replete with many bookshelves, a free standing globe of the world, floor and wall mahogany paneling, some original Picaso’s, oriental rugs, a leather couch with raised head end, some recording equipment and several telephones. Pat and Lynn are sitting in a small circle with this very kindly looking man.

Kindly Man: “Well,let me sum this up.” “Pat, I may call you that. I like to keep this informal.” You have been married two months after living together for some three years. Sex was not that great when you were living together, but you thought that was because as Catholics you had feelings of guilt about living in sin.” “You also had your previous three marriages annulled by the Church because of similar problems.” “ And you Lynn you have not had success with marriage either, but for reasons that are not clear to me at the moment.” “But, with you Pat the matter seems reasonably clear.” “Pat, didn’t it ever cross your mind that your previous problems with sex might stem from a deeper root?”

Pat: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Kindly Man: “All I’m saying is that this revulsion toward your wives is a persistent thing and is not confined to Lynn.”

Pat: “Here we go, now everything is my fault. I knew she had a preconceived reason for getting me to come here.”

Kindly Man: “Not at all, please calm down, we are friends. Nothing is your fault. We are just trying to get the facts on the table so we can solve this problem once and for all.” “Let me continue the summary, but feel free to interrupt.” “You are a Catholic, right?”

Pat: “Well sort of.” “I grew up Catholic, and have been married in the Church, and of course my three annulments have been done by the church, but we don’t attend mass regularly.”

Kindly Man: “Why not?”

Pat: “I’m too depressed.”

Kindly Man: “Now we are getting somewhere.” “Were you close to any priests as a child?”

Pat: “Sure, In fact several of them tried to help me when my mother said that she was worried about my behavior when I was about thirteen.”

Kindly Man: (Suddenly comes alert like he smells an opportunity) “What behavior?”

Pat: “This is embarrasing.”

Kindly Man: “Nothing that is said inside this room leaves this room.” (While fumbling with the recording equipment) “What behavior?”

Pat: (Hems and haws, coughs nervously and finally starts to talk in a whisper) “I was caught by the school principal showing myself to another boy.’

Lynn: “ What the hell!!”

Kindly Man: “Please, please let’s not be judgmental.”

Lynn: “What the f---- do you mean, my mother was right, I did marry a queer!!”

Kindly Man: “Calm, Calm, all boys do things like this.” “This does not mean you are a homosexual.” “Now, please go on Pat, tell us everything.”

Pat: “Well actually, this was not the first time I had been caught fooling around with boys.” “In fact the boy was not really a boy it was the gym teacher.”

Kindly Man: (Seems quite agitated himself) “Pat, let’‘s get back to the priests that were trying to help you.” “What did they do/”

Pat: “They asked me to confess what I had done.”

Kindly Man: ( Some what frantic)“Yes,yes?”

Pat: “That’s it.”

Kindly Man; “Not quite my friend.” “Was it dark where they talked with you?”

Pat: “Yeh, of course, it was the confessional.”

Kindly Man: “Did the priests touch you in any way?”

Pat: “Well, I don’t know.” After the confession one escorted me out of the church and had his hand on my shoulder.”

Kindly Man: “Did he touch you anywhere else?”

Pat: “Not that I remember.”

Kindly Man: “That’s just the point, Pat , he may well have touched you inappropriately and that may be the reason you have this homosexual tendency today.” “You may be suffering from RMS!!”

Pat: (Acts shocked like he thinks he has some sort of VD) “What’s that?”

Kindly Man; “REPRESSED MEMORY SYNDROME”. “In other words that priest sexually assaulted you, you blocked the assault out of your delicate childhood mind. but all these years this invisible memory has chewed at your subconscious and secretly dictated this behavior which resembles homosexuality.”

Pat: “You mean, I may have been made like I am by the fact that I was molested by a priest forty five years ago?”

Kindly Man: “Exactly” “And , there is something you can do about such a terrible influence that led to how you feel today.”

Pat: “God, I feel better already.””But, what do I do now?”

Kindly Man: “You need to find some means of closure to get well.”

Pat: “Closure, what does that mean?’

Kindly Man; “Your mind needs to experience relief, it needs to heal, the psychological boil must be lanced.”

Pat: ‘Relieve my mind, how?’ “Will it hurt?”

Kindly Man: (Ignoring Pat’s inane remark) “The people who did this terrible thing to you must be exposed and made to pay.”

Pat: “What do you mean?” “Look I’m a Catholic and I don’t want to hurt the church.’’ “Besides this happened forty five years ago and nobody would believe me any way.” “I’m not even sure anything really happened the way we are talking.”

Kindly Man: “Of course it did.” You also have a severe case of TDIDMAF ,traumatic depression induced by discovering mistrust in an authority figure that you and your mother trusted implicitly.” “In addition, did you know that one of the priests that was in your parish at the time you describe was in fact recently accused of sexually abusing a boy of your age?”

Pat: “No, I had no idea such a thing happened.” “Cripes he must be 100 by now.”

Kindly Man: “Well, it did,and coincidently I have a record of it here.” (He pulls out a five inch thick three ring notebook and thumbs to a tab in the middle.) “The priest is still alive, although he is eighty eight years old.” He has actually admitted to the other charges or at least he has said he thinks he may have placed his arm around some boys shoulders, even though he is a little confused.”

Lynn: “Sir,what is in this for us?”

Kindly Man: “A very good question my dear.” “Look I know this lawyer who is a good friend of mine.” “He is an honest and compassionate gentlemen. If you wish I will call him and see if he can be induced to help you regain control of your life.”

Lynn: “Yes, we like that.” “Do you mean sue the church for money.”

Kindly Man: “Lynn, the money is secondary, we are trying to put Pat back in touch with his deep psychological needs.” “If money happens to come from these activities that is irrelevant.” “The important thing is for Pat to be cured.”

Lynn: Of Course, but how much money might we get?”

Kindly Man: (Snap answer)“Between five and ten million.”

Pat: (Somewhat confused) “But I don’t want to hurt the church.”

Kindly Man: “Certainly not.” “They are super rich and won’t even miss the money a good jury will award.”

Lynn: “ That makes me feel a lot better”. “OK, now what?’

Kindly Man: “I’ll call my friend and beg him to help us.” “You go home now and think about that horrible experience with the trusted priest.” “I’ll get back to you later today.”

Lynn and Pat are ushered quickly out of the psychiatrists office and as soon as the door closes the Kindly Man grabs one of his phones, hits the speed dial and almost immediately a voice from the other end says Z.------- Attorney at-----

Kindly Man: “Zig, it’s me Nate.” “I got another one with repressed memory rejuvenation” . “I’ll fax you the details.” I get the usual 15% right?” “It’s a great case.” “His church owns three schools, three churches, some major valuable property in downtown LA and has already been accused of child molesting and coverup by the higher authorities.” “What makes this a sure thing is that the bishop brought this priest to visit me and I had no trouble getting the old guy to find his repressed memories.” “I doubt he really ever did anything, but since I’m not sure and he is completely confused, we have a great situation.” “This all happened 40 years ago, but I am sure we can get the state to roll back the 3 year statutes of limitations because this is now a heavily left wing liberal area with a deep seated dislike for the Catholics.”

Voice: “Sure, You are a wizard with these repressed memory cases.” “I don’t know how you do it.” “Is it OK if I work from my chateau in--------.” “I need a vacation.” “My third wife insists and boy is she stacked.”

THE END

Birthday Letter To Our Grandson


Wow! You are a thir-“teen”. What does that mean? Well, for one thing, it means that you will be a “teen” for the next seven years. In that period you will be given a spectacular education, you will enter a college, you will choose many new friends, some of which you will have for the rest of your life, you will also gain new interests like hobbies and sports and you may even start to see what you want to be for the rest of your life. All of these things require hard work, good choices and yes the ability to face a few difficulties that you will require courage to overcome. You will meet all these challenges because you have talent, a wonderful mind, and clearly know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

You are surrounded by people who love you and want the best for you. That’s great, but it still comes down to you. You need to do the hard work. You need to make the right choices in friends or when temptations come your way. There are obvious temptations like drinking, dishonesty, lying, cheating at school and destructive things like smoking or driving dangerously to show off.

There are also more subtle dangers like forming friendships with people who may cause you to mess up. They may look like friends, and they may be fun to be with, but you will soon recognize that they are not really friends and are using you. When you find this out you have to force yourself to get away from them rather than continuing the association and getting into serious trouble. Sometimes those of us who love you, especially your mother, will point out these bad associations. This may make you mad, but at least listen and ask yourself if there is any truth in the what you are told. Moving away from bad companions can be very hard sometimes.

Mostly though the “teens” will be a great time. Your knowledge of everything will increase tremendously. You will actually begin to love learning new things even when they seem hard initially. You will learn to drive and gain the wonderful freedom that a car provides. Your body will convert to its adult form. You will be even more interested in girls You will like them and they will like you. This is all normal and great fun. You are lucky to have a great and strong body. Don’t get egotistical, but you are bound to be handsome and are a natural athlete for sports like golf, tennis, running and many others. You have a great personality, are a natural born speaker and have the gift of musical talent. You have the whole package.

You will also have wonderful social times and fun parties. As a catholic you will have people all over the world who share your values and when you meet them, even if they are total strangers, you will have a bond with them. That’s a nice feeling that your religion will give you all your life. So, get ready for a long fun time. A time that is exciting and has lots of responsibilities.

We are so proud of you and know you will make the best of your “teens”. We love you.

Grandma and Grandpa

THE DAY I DIED


At the moment I am siting on the couch where I died on January 12, 2004. This may sound strange to you, but let me explain.

That day was like any other as I made my way from Wilmington, to the charter school in Exton to conduct my volunteer honors chemistry lab. As I drove up I felt great because I really liked being around smart and motivated young people. The lab I taught had three girls and four boys. In my judgement they were all kids destined to do well in college, although only three of them were what I sensed as really exceptional in chemistry.

I arrived a few minutes before nine as required and set up the materials for the days lab. I also spread out the written procedures which I had prepared a few days before. I loved the preparation writing because it allowed me to impart my love of chemistry and obsession with safety. I felt great in my business attire with a tie and a brand new blue shirt just bought from J. B. Banks & Sons.

The lab hour went well, but toward the end I began to feel a pain between my shoulders. It got fairly intense, but I had experienced this before. For several months, almost on a weekly basis I had been awakened by such a pain. In those cases I quietly got up to avoid disturbing my wife and went to the kitchen to take two aspirin with a small glass of coke. I would then sit and watch television till the pain subsided and the rapid irregular beating of my heart stopped. I thought little of the arrhythmia and the pain because I knew I was too healthy and strong to have anything really wrong with me.

To continue the story of that day, I suddenly found myself anxious to get out of the school and go home. I cleaned up hastily with the pain building. I was anxious for some aspirin and a coke. I kept a happy face on as I bid Mr. Thelman, the chemistry teacher goodbye.


The drive home was extremely uncomfortable as I was not only in pain, but I was sweating. I sensed something was bad and even considered driving to the West Chester hospital. Instead, I drove to my daughter Mary’s home in West Chester to get the coke and aspirin. This was a fateful decision that saved my life.

To my surprise, my grandson Stefan was home because of a cold and the baby sitter, Cindy Filoromo was there caring for him. As I entered the house I recall being annoyed at this because I was not in the mood for explaining things and I did not want to look weak in front of either of them.

I told Cindy I had a backache and got myself the aspirin and coke. Cindy said she did not like the way I looked and thought she should call an ambulance. I said absolutely no to such a move and I told her I was confident I would be fine in a few minutes. She objected, but agreed to my wishes.

I then felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I climbed upstairs and did so expecting this would reduce my growing discomfort. I came down and sat on the couch. Cindy grew more alarmed and my grandchild looked at me curiously and smiled.

I kept fussing on the couch and told Cindy the pain was bad. She finally said, “I’m calling 911”. I feebly started to object, but said, “OK”. In a few minutes a policeman came to the door and came in to see me. I told him I was sure I was going to feel better soon. Shortly a huge man entered named Stanley. He was the chief paramedic.

He sat to my left, placed a blood pressure cuff on me and began to insert a needle into my left arm. The couch sank with Mr. Stanley’s weight. This distracted me for a minute. He said, “On a scale of one to ten how intense is the pain?” To make sure he would give me a strong pain killer I said, “ Oh, about 8”.

I then looked across at the fireplace and said,” I’m going”. Stanley said, “I know”.

My next memory is looking up from the floor at Stanley and hearing him say, “Mr. you were just dead.” I said, “That’s interesting”. He repeated the “Just dead” remark, and I felt no alarm. My memory of the actual act of going unconscious was simply a black curtain falling and no more pain.

I was told later they used the defibrillator and an adrenaline shot to the heart. Technically I guess I was really dead. Next came the ambulance ride.

Wow, was that uncomfortable! I remember them shoving me into the back of the ambulance. The ride to the hospital was mercifully short, and extremely bumpy and uncomfortable. The ambulance door flew open at the emergency door and a bunch of people ushered me along hallways into what was probably the catheter prep room.

I was fully awake and feeling fine. They told me to sit up and they would cut my shirt off: My beautiful brand new blue shirt. I said, “No way”. and tried to unbutton it. To no avail, the next thing I knew they had torn it off and I was back flat on my back. Then an uncomfortable feeling was evident in my inner right thigh. By this time I was woozy and only partly awake. Time went by with a lot of talking. The a voice said to me. “Do you want to see a movie of your artery being stented?” I said, “Yes, but really didn’t pay much attention. Soon I was laying in a room surrounded by my wife and other family. They all looked down at me like they weren’t sure what to say. I began to feel sorry for myself and for the first time wondered if I was going to make it. I caught myself and concluded I was fine.

After five uncomfortable days in the hospital I got out and began my recovery. Other than an incident a month later with irregular heart beat that sent me back for four more stents my recovery has been uneventful.

So, dying is just like general anesthesia. You are here one minute and gone the next. The only way you know you died is because you woke up. This is a strange realization which puzzles me to this day. It is odd, that I now realize that when I die for good I will never know it. It’s not just money that you can’t take with you, its knowledge of your own existence that is also lost. All one can do is enjoy life and try to make others enjoy your life by doing your best to be decent and nice. I try to live this way, but fail too often.

AFTERTHOUGHTS


I’ve often thought about my Catholic Church’s fixation on “miracles” as a required basis for sainthood. I am sure this is a good criteria, but I often wonder about the prevalence of “miracles”

Certainly I had an improbable series of “miracles” that fateful day. My decision to go to my daughter’s, the fact my grandson was home and therefore the babysitter was there, the insistence by the babysitter to call 911, the fact I took two aspirin may well have started dissolution of the fresh clot that was killing me, the quick response of the paramedics, the fact my body waited till they arrived to render me unconscious, the short ride to the well equiped hospital (I believe from the time I passed out till I had a functioning stent was about 30 minutes), and of course the competency of all the people involved including West Chester Hospital’s recently acquired top catheterization surgeon Dr. Timothy Boyek and the heart doctor Dr. Donna Reed. In my opinion “miracles” are every where and daily occurrences for all of us. We just don’t recognize them and the fact that God is with us all the time.

My Purpose

Dear Readers: I have decided to try a blog as a means to vent opinions on a number of current events and issues. I will use the essay format and ask that you comment on what I have to say and argue with me, correct me, educate me and even tell me to shut up. I am not likely to take the latter advice, but you never know. I am along in years, but still in possession of most of my marbles. I am a passionate person, but not a fanatic. I go to my church regularly, but have respect for other religions and atheist and agnostic positions. I don't think I am much of a bigot, but I have little tolerance for politically correct behavior, fear of offending others with accidental language slips, and being asked to respect nutty concepts like ESP, UFO's, witch craft, astrology, sasquatch's and the like. I believe in a strong work ethic, education, self-sacrifice in pursuit of goals, right to life, the scientific method, and compassion towards all people and animals. I have to warn you, many of my views will often provoke anger. I will try to use logic and reliable references, but interpretation will often be debatable. In responding to me I hope you will respect my sincerity. I will yours. My goal is to prepare an essay at least once every two weeks and use the interim period for responses with you readers.